The ever-elusive contentment

Disquieted souls

One of the consequences in the hearts and minds of people to come out of the COVID-era madness (loss of jobs, forced medical procedures, loss of trust and credibility in our institutions, family schisms, etc.) is a deep feeling of unsettledness and frustration, which has led many to be anything but thankful. It is difficult to be thankful when those closest to you hurl the vilest insults and disinvite you from family get-togethers. It is difficult to be thankful when your decisions, which stemmed from your principled conscience, led to you getting fired/laid off, kicked out of school, or in court for defying health mandates.

As many have considered the corruption that exists in virtually all levels and in all institutions in our country, it has led to grumbling, complaining, and despising, which are understandable, though not entirely excusable. Countless people have felt similar sentiments as David often did in the Psalms, when he wrote things like:

“For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. For they have no pangs until death; their bodies are fat and sleek. They are not in trouble as others are; they are not stricken like the rest of mankind. Therefore pride is their necklace; violence covers them as a garment. Their eyes swell out through fatness; their hearts overflow with follies. They scoff and speak with malice; loftily they threaten oppression. They set their mouths against the heavens, and their tongue struts through the earth. Therefore his people turn back to them, and find no fault in them. And they say, “How can God know? Is there knowledge in the Most High?” Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches.” – Psalm 73:3-12

What’s there to be happy about, anyways?

But what is contentment, and what does it mean to be content? Paul said that he had learned the secret to being content in any and every situation (Philippians 4:11-12), and that as long as he has food and clothing, he would be content (1 Timothy 6:8), and the writer of Hebrews exhorts us to be content with what we have (Hebrews 13:5). Being content is not a suggestion, but rather a command, along with being thankful and grateful.

The Greek word for content is the root word autarkēs, which itself is a compound word made up of the word autos, which means self, and arkeo, meaning sufficient. Together, the word means the state of having what is sufficient, or having enough, or having what is needed. This is not something a person possesses in and from themselves; rather, though they themselves have what is sufficient and needed, it does not come from within the person, or they are not the cause of the contentment.

To be content means that a person is satisfied with what they have, with their lot in life. It means that whatever they currently posses, it is enough for them so as to not be wanting more, pursuing more, and desiring more. They have what is sufficient for their existence, and that makes them content. This fits with Paul’s words in Philippians, when he says that whether he has been brought low or he abounds, whether he faces plenty or hunger, or whether he has faced abundance of need, he has learned to be content (Philippians 4:12).

A hard lesson

Well then, how do we get us some of that contentment? I mean, it would be great to just not be frustrated, anxious, and fearful anymore. What do I have to do, or read, or give up, in order to be content? If only it were that easy. In fact, contentment, which is more precious than gold and diamonds, is more difficult to mine than these precious metals, and requires a great deal of spiritual work and effort, often against our sinful desires.

Contentment comes from having a changed or renewed perspective on yourself and your circumstances. It is established in a person who realizes who they are, what they have, what they deserve, and how all of these work together. If contentment is a state of having what is sufficient, or having enough, in short, a person must be satisfied with what they have and not be envious and jealous for what they don’t have (and want). This seems easy enough, no? I’ll just learn to be happy with what I have. Well, if you’ve been alive more than a week, you know this is much easier said than done.

It appears that the only way to be content is by not just learning the lesson on our own, but by being taught the lesson by the Lord, and the lesson is almost always painful and difficult. Consider the Apostle Paul. He learned to be content, only after he was persecuted mercilessly, beaten almost to death, jailed, shipwrecked, bitten by a snake, hated and reviled by many, and plunged into poverty and hunger. Then, and only then, did Paul learn to be content.

Spurgeon once said that, “Whenever God means to make a man great, he always breaks him in pieces first.” It seems this is true for contentment. In our stubbornness, the only way the Lord can grow our hearts to be content is by taking away the things we hold near and dear, the things that have become idols in our lives, or simply the things that prevent us from fully depending on and relying on Christ. God must take you through the ringer purging you of your comforts and distractions, forcing you to lean into Him, showing himself to be sufficient and enough. That is how God makes us content, by disciplining us, because He loves, which is painful, but yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).

God graciously takes away

I believe that God has cultivated a thankful heart in me. I truly am grateful for His having created me, having given me all that He has, for the gift of His Son and His Spirit and His salvation, for my beautiful family, and essentially the gracious gifts that have come from His hands. Though I am not flawless and sinless, I do believe I am content, and that in Christ, I posses all that is sufficient for peace and joy. This, if you are wondering, did not come about by trying harder, thinking better, and willing contentment into being. No, the Lord has had to bring His loving and heavy hand of discipline upon my life, often leading me through painful trails, and ultimately taking away things that were close to my heart. Many have had more difficult and trying lives than me, but I know my story, and I know my soul, and it has not been easy.

My dad left when I was a teenager, and the damage that did to my family is still felt by several members of my family in deep ways, and it has had lingering and profound effects on many. But the Lord did that to draw me closer to Him, reveal Himself to me, and soften my heart to the love of my Father in Heaven.

When I was 22, in both a wonderful full-time ministry position, and seriously considering marriage with my girlfriend at the time, through a serious of events (caused in part by my own pride, insecurity, and entitlement), the Lord took both of them away from me, leaving me devasted, deeply depressed, and having to reevaluate my entire purpose in life. But by doing so, the Lord prepared me for the woman He would bring into my life (who herself was also terribly broken when we met), and prepare us for marriage, and what I think is one of the strongest marriages I have ever seen. The Lord also humbled me and prepared me to serve Him rightly in pastoral ministry, and really to serve in the context of the local church, effectively using my gifts to equip other Christians and advance the Kingdom of God.

The decisions we have made as a family have led to missing out on what were perceived as easy and very lucrative opportunities, because the honour of Christ was more important. At one point, we were dependent on visiting a food bank to make ends meet, and it was so bad that I was forced to sell some of my most treasured possessions and collections – things I had owned since I was a child – in order to feed my family and enable my wife to stay home and school our children. The Lord used this to teach me to not take any of our possessions for granted, and to be deeply thankful for a full fridge, for a running van, and for whatever treasures I posses.

“Yes, dear friends, the Lord often sends us greater trials than others, because he means to qualify us for greater enjoyments. If you want to make a pool capable of holding more water, you dig it out, do you not? And many a man has been dug and enlarged by affliction. The enlargements of trial enable us to hold more grace and more glory.” – Charles Spurgeon, “God’s Purpose for Your Suffering”

You see, God had to bring suffering, loss, pain, sorrow, and difficulties into my life (more times than I would have chosen for myself) to show me the secret of being content.

Do you wanna know a secret?

And what is that secret? What did the Apostle Paul know from his experiences? What did the Lord painfully teach him that made him content? It’s so simple really; not in practice, of course not, but in principle, and it is only learned when the same Lord who gives takes away.

Jesus is enough for us, and He must be everything to us, because everything we need and long for is found in Him. Spurgeon put it this way, “If Christ is not all to you, He is nothing to you. He will never go into partnership as a part Saviour of men. If He be something He must be everything, and if He be not everything, He is nothing to you.”

Knowing and believing this essential truth will plunge a heart into the rivers of contentment. There is no other way to get there than being brought there by the loving hand of God, the same hand that brings suffering, difficulties, and pain into our lives. In my flesh, I wish it were easier. I wish there was a pain-free way to grow in contentment, but there is not. You must be brought to the end of yourself before you can cling to Christ for everything you need, and in that place, you will find contentment.

So, what do we do? Do we force ourselves into difficult situations in order to grow our contentment? Again, I wish it were so simple. No, you cannot perform the surgery on yourself. You cannot remove the cancer from yourself. God alone uses the scalpel, God makes the cut, God draws the blood, and God provides the healing. And friends, if you are truly following Christ, it is never too long before God performs one of His sanctifying operations.

And when He does, it is in those moments where you can either run from the pain and miss contentment, or embrace the Lord’s discipline, and thus grow more content. When God purifies us, we can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, and we can’t go around it. We gotta go through it.

Traversing the trials

I want to offer four things to remember so that you can go through it well.

1. Do not neglect the spiritual disciplines when God brings suffering
Be in the Word daily, pray to God, worship with your church, and confess your sins. If you abandon these, you will abandon the path to contentment.

2. Do not be constantly distracted or entertained
When life is painful, we want to avoid it somehow, either by doing something to fill the time, or by surrounding ourselves with distractions. However, it is in solitude and self-reflection that the needed perspective is attained. Dwell on your thoughts, feelings, and circumstances intentionally.

3. Have a safe and healthy place to vent
These frustrations cannot be built up inside or buried down deep in is. Find a trusted friend or brother or sister in Christ (the same sex as yourself, of course), where you can give full expression to your emotions, and allow them to encourage, teach, and correct you as needed.

4. Remember or record the process
Whether you journal, write notes in your Bible, or write blog posts, it’s a good idea to put down what happened during the time of difficulty, what you did, and what the Lord taught you through that time. You can always come back to this, as well as use it to encourage others.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18