The God of the Storms

Lots of change and lots of new

Early in January of 2024, I turned 40 years old. Given the milestone that is 40, and given the closeness of my birthday to Christmas and New Year’s, my birthday naturally lends itself to being a time of self-reflection. I think about how faithful and effective for Christ I have been over the previous year. With each new decade, I look back on the previous 10 years and do a bit of a self-assessment deep dive.

This particular birthday was a curious one, filled with many things unique since the Lord saved me when I was 16 years old. This was the first birthday in 13 years where I was not serving in pastoral ministry at a local church. Moreover, it was the first birthday since I got saved in 2000 that I was not serving in any lay ministry.

Our family celebrated my birthday in a different city than we did in 2023, the first time since 2011. As such, my birthday also came while we were attending a new church. I was able to celebrate my birthday with two very new twins. My children began attending a Classical Christian School after 8 years of exclusive homeschooling. The caricature of men in their 40’s entering into a mid-life crisis usually involves men with stable jobs and severe insecurity – nothing has changed except for their own self-perception and internal struggles. That is not me at all.

Navigating the newness

All of this has made this past birthday and decade milestone the most intense in terms of introspection. I have had to wrestle with thoughts and questions for the first time in a very long time. For example, I went to Bible College and have served in pastoral ministry for a total of 15 years. I have no training and no qualifications for anything but pastoral ministry. The question I have pondered is this, “If I am not a pastor, then who am I?” Many people know me as a pastor, refer to me as pastor, and still introduce me to others as pastor. But I’m not a pastor, not anymore. So, who am I?

My wife and I recently became members at our church, and now we are both looking forward to using our gifts to serve in our church. But what does that look like for me now, in light of the past 13 years? I won’t be preaching, doing marriage counselling, attending elders’ meetings, discussing issues of church finances, or discerning and planning the direction of the church. I will have to consider serving in ways similar to when I was still in my 20’s. What are my gifts and abilities if they are not used in ways most recent to me?

They didn’t teach you about how to navigate all of this in Bible College. Perhaps it would be a bit easier if everything else in my life hadn’t changed so drastically and so quickly too. New city, new church, new school for kids, new home, new community, new twins, new friends, and new thrift options (there is no Talize where I currently live and the grieving process has been deep). It feels a little bit like an emotional traversing of the open seas with no maps yet charted.

The God of the storms

So, being out on the open waters, the tendency for people - I mean me - is to think exclusively about either my needs and struggles or my strengths and abilities. Peter got his eyes off Jesus and he began to sink. In times of immense change and uncertainty, people - meaning yours truly - can throw little pity parties and mope about like spoiled toddlers who have just heard the word ‘no.’ When things don’t go as planned, and when life is not what we had hoped it would be, it’s all too easy to compare and complain. Again, I mean me here.

In his sermon titlesd “Direction in Dilemma,” Charles Spurgeon said this:

“It is, then, the Lord's will to manifest His glory to the sons of men. But how shall the glory of God be manifested to such fallen creatures as we are? Vanity has covered our eyes with scales more dense than those which fell from the eyes of Saul of Tarsus. We are always prone to put a high estimate upon what we are, or may be, or can feel, or do. It is clear, then, that self must stand out of the way, that there may be room for God to be exalted; and this is the reason, the true secret, why God bringeth His people ofttimes into straits and difficulties, that, being brought to their wits' end, and made conscious of their own folly and weakness, they may be fitted to behold the majesty of God when He comes forth to work their deliverance. A man whose life shall be one even and smooth path, will see but little of the glory of God, for he has few occasions of self-emptying, and hence, but little fitness for being filled with the revelation of God. They who navigate little streams and shallow creeks, know but little of the God of tempests.”

Grab an oar and get paddling

In the midst of a storm at sea, one of the worst things to do would be to whine about how difficult it is. You cannot wait for the wind to die down before you begin charting your next course. You have to get to work where you are with all diligence and perseverance

I may not know exactly what the Lord is doing in my life, but that’s fine. I may have to give up certain hopes and desires and accomplishments, and that’s okay. I might not know what the future holds for my life, and I’m not really supposed to anyways. Even though uncertainty abounds, there are a few things I know and a few things I can do about it.

I can love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I can try to be a good husband and take responsibility for the sanctification of my wife. I can try to be a good father, pointing my children toward Christ; filling our home with laughter, joy, and peace. I can be a good churchman, finding out what the needs of my church are and trying to joyfully serve so as to build up the body of Christ. The storm needn’t be over before I try to get this boat moving.